alriqht peeps !
my bloq is dead -.- oh wow anyway even if it is , no people is seeinq it anyway !
LOL ! lmao ! chey ~! lol .. okay riqht now really really am not in a very good shape .. alriqht it started just now .
Just , just now .. i on msn =/ he on too and said a "hello" .. oh wow ?
LOL .. so ya .. and later i talk to him alittle on the phone .. and i asked why maple soooooo laqqy and he said it was under maintainience so ya i loq off and chat with him alittle on msn later i then loq off cause my brother !!
was naggying -.- wow ? old grand papa lol .. so ya later 1 hr later i online and so he was also online so yup i chat with him .. but there weren't any respond so i was thinking he was playing maple .. so i went online in maple and yup ! he really was online .. and i talk to him for about and hour or so .. ?
totally no reply .. fine i was alr very moody about some family's problems so i thought i could chat with him or something .. but he didn't reply not even once .. i even waited for another half an hour but nah he didn't reply still ..
so i played awhile more .. as i heard from the guild that there's a 2x drop rate so i help daddiiie train alittle bit lo .. later then chat with alvin alittle cause he very dulan -.- then i went to bathe .. cause going to plaza sing marh .. for my sim card .. but in the end i didn't go .. too lazy marh ..
sigh .. so i went back comping .. and login to friendster .. saw some peeps profile .. yup .. gave some comments and stuffs .. later i went to the number one FF's and yup .. felt so dumb on why i went there .. and after i look finish his profile .. it just left me a sorrow feeling .. i forgotten that the something which i shouldn't see .. and i remembered only when i saw it .. it's been a very long time .. since i noticed it .. i alr noticed it 2 days after this "sorrow" relationship of mine begin .. yup .. after looking through i had that urge of getting in my bad habits .. though i have alr promise .. B & C .. but still i couldn't take it so i just took some panadols .. sorry .. as soon as half hour later my heart suddenly aches .. i dont noe why and i couldn't breathe properly .. it started a day before yesterday .. and right now i still cannot breathe properly .. ever since the day that things went through my mind .. i felt that i have changed somehow .. and after those things that i saw .. i suddenly feel that .. nothing really last forever .. and one day .. that very day .. i really have to say im sorry ..





give me that sense of security and trust ,
cause i really dont feel it right now ..
ever since what i have looked .. i've alr tried to but i have failed to cause my heart really really aches ..
can youu ever understand me ? i dont think so anymore .. - i just wanna break down and cry ..*suicidal thoughts *

okay let start off now ..
seriously i dont feel well , both mentally and physically ..
why ? cause , i looked into his friendster profile and saw what i shouldn't see at all .. and i start to feel insecure .
Everytime he ask am i alright , deeped inside i know im not but im lying to him just wanting him to feel okay or maybe not worrying ?
seriously , im not sure he may anot ? okay forget about it .. sometimes i wonder if i should really carry on .. cause i really feel insecure thus , im always suspecting things which i shouldn't - the more i does that , the more things are gonna be worst . thinking that i should give him trust and i would but .. so i would stop suspecting . BTW , whatever you do now , just be happy alright .
i really dont know . im just simply confused , i wanted to call you ytd but i dont have the courage to .. vomitted , panadol-ing and alchohol-ing ytd .. boy , i miss you ..
my heart is torn .. whatever your asking i would just deny cause i dont want you to think or what . i just want you to be happy .
i dont mind suffering .
seeing you with .... alr tells me i dont suit you somehow .
maybe there's many better girls than me bahs .
i shall stop here have got no mood now .
bye ~









i have never felt this way before ..
i just feel that i dont suit you ..
but still i love you .

alright .. let's start off now .. today in the morning i went to bathe at 6.10 am didn't sleep at all .. the whole nite .. was tearing actually .. just realise whenever i tear my eyes dont go swollen .. was lucky cause .. if he saw he will not believe if i say i didn't cry .. lol .. so ya i met him during recess i tried to hold back my tears .. and yes ! i did it .. i was really very mood-less .. but i looked at him it gave me back my little smile .. i ran away from you is because my eyes were swollen and i didn't want youu to see my face .. or youu will start thinking .. and maybe become mood-less .. during smart ..i used 15mins .. tearing .. nobody noticed and i hurried wiped them off as i needed to go for maths remedial .. i then purposely keep repeating myself saying that i've got a bad flu .. and everybody really bought my story .. so after i reached the library for my maths remedial .. i tried so hard to forget .. i make myself a fool so to make people laugh just to forget the incident for that very moment but i just can't so ya atleast i tried .. =( but i failed .. after the remedial i saw jue yu .. and ask her to hurriedly go to 2G2 to tell him that i can't go home today with him as my mum's on MC and she would maybe hang out around northpoint .. so if i went home with him and if my mum catches me i would be so that .. and my mum would maybe call me to get a _ _ _ _ _ with him which never will i do =) .. so later on i went back .. on my way back .. i saw wee wee i say come here larh i want slap youu .. he say youu come larh aiyoyo .. then i was like nevermind .. then i walk down the stairs beside the street soccer court and i didn't see that there's a hole or something and i fell .. and "sprained" my leg .. maybe sprained not very sure now quite pain ..haiz i went home .. and now im still thinking ..








can i ever just stop thinking and worrying .. ?
i have been having sleepless nites ..
and tearing days ..
can it stop please .. haiz ..
boy , i just wanna say i love you ..
just that smile of yours .. it changes everything ..=)

okay well ,
let's start from yesterday nite ..
was chatting on msn didn't really feel any happier ..
felt alittle moody cause of some messages , and was distrupting my pleseant sleep .
Woke up in the evening saw the message and was really very eff-up .. so i decided to reply .
yes i did replied and the fellow replied but i deleted the following messages i received .
Later i was then mood-less .. didn't feel good .. wanted to do some blad-ing exercise but mummiiie stopped me by texting some messages .. later , saw fiona online then i chat with her .. and soon after i wanted to say something to her she say she gtg so i ask if she could chat on the phone she say okay we then conference with carmen tong , junwei , fiona , amanda and myself .. not long junwei phon-ed up timothy to call saying i was the one who ask-ed -.- which is actually not but i yeah i wanted =) so he called .. so we chat .. suddenly "he" said something .. i was then shocked .. but i didnt heard carefully or something .. i was then suddenly so mood-less .. then i told them i go get a bath so youur chat first .. but actually i was stoning on one corner thinking and without me noe-ing i was tearing away .. later i was afraid that they thought something so i quickly wipe of those tears which are flowing rom my eyes and said a "hello" on the phone .. and i was rather sad cos "he" alr put down the phone .. so i was like haiz forget it nevermind .. later junwei they all put down so i hung the phone too . later i was like stoning one corner tearing .. thinking and thinking so i shut the comp and waited about 1 hr for my family members to sleep soundly before i went out of my room and immediately i started tearing even badly so i took tissue paper to wipe my tear off and rush to my room using my pillow to cover my face .. but i wet the pillow .. at around 3.30am i was still rolling around on my bed thinking i message mummiie she no reply so i decided not to wait .. and went out of my room and peer down the window . Suddenly i got this thought of just closing my eyes and just fall all the way down to the ground .. and i was thinking about those knives it the kitchen .. so i just went to my room and locked the door so i was inside the room only .. at about 5am i finally stopped tearing and found myself having a high fever and a bad headache so i lied on my bed hoping that darkness would arrives and i would be soundly asleep .. but it didn't happened the headache was even worse so i woke up but found and did not realise that my family wasn't at home so i used the comp .. alright i shall end here i dont want to continue anymore it really hurts me badly ..






right now im just hoping youu can take me away from here .. i love youu

strictly no rippers and spammers allowed.
do enjoy your stay and leave a little tag - your wish.
thank you. =)
Kaiyun
I blow my candles on 25 November.
Hyper 13.
single/attached
NBSS

=)last for1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,forever:D
=)buy a new badminton racket - nano speed 7700
=)get a new handphone
=)maintain in the express stream until sec 4
=)get into JC - AJC/YJC
=)everlasting money
=)last with him for eternity:D

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